Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
