Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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