If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
