You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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