So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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