he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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