I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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