my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Randomize
