I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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