I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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