My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
