Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
