There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
