so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
