Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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