so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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