i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
