do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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