He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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