Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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