never play flip cup with pint glasses
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
