I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
