i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
not ubering you a puppy
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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