stop calling my apartment porn island.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
We left the knife in your bed.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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