Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
