i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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