I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize