I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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