I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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