He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
