Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
