My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
