i need an iv and a liver transplant
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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