i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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