i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
