Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
