I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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