im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
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