If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
