are you so shy because you have an std?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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