I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
