It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
