All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
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He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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