$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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