And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
