Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
