oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
