Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
how does that bad decision feel?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
