i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
