Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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