Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
