i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
