Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
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Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
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