Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
