she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
