you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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