The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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