i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Randomize
